Panic mode

I am starting to hit panic mode about our upcoming trip. We leave in only 11 more days!! It’s not that I’m not prepared, because I am. We’re almost packed, as much as we can be at this point. The paperwork is ready. Reservations have been booked. We have loose plans for each day in Taiwan. I’m about as ready as I can be.

But for some reason, I’m starting to panic. I’m trying to allow myself to feel each emotion and then let it go. If I fight against the panic, it just gets worse. I am most nervous about the travel itself. I have never flown internationally and have irrational fears about going the wrong way at the airport and getting chased by men with guns. Last night I talked to a friend here in Seattle about what it’s like flying internationally in and out of the Seattle airport. So she walked me through security, what the flight will be like, what immigration is like on the way back, and how to pick up our luggage. That conversation helped.

We have a hotel shuttle scheduled for our arrival in Taipei. A driver will be there with a sign with our names on it. The hotel does not have early check in but will see if they have a room available when we arrive. If not, they said they will hold our luggage for us so that we don’t have to haul it around Taipei while we wait for a room. Since we arrive in Taipei at 5:30 in the morning, we’ll have plenty of time to kill and will probably be exhausted. Again, getting these details worked out with the hotel helped.

Our time in Tainan is very loosely scheduled. We meet our daughter on Monday morning and will probably be at the adoption agency for several hours. There is a possibility that we’ll eat lunch with the staff. After that, we’re on our own. Just the three of us.

On Tuesday morning, we’ll be going back to the adoption agency. We’re unsure of the plans for that morning, but they could include an orphanage visit and a going away party for our daughter. It’s a half hour drive to the orphanage and a half hour drive back. Sometime late afternoon we have to catch the bullet train back to Taipei because our visa appointment is Wednesday morning.

Analyzing my feelings, I’m not really freaking out about the actual parenting. I know that meeting my daughter will probably be awkward. I speak a little Chinese and she speaks a little English so we’ll be able to communicate on a basic level. She does want to be adopted, though I’m sure she’ll be nervous and scared and upset about leaving what is familiar. Being mama is not what I’m anxious about. It’s all the travel. Getting around in a foreign country. A lot of it is probably because I will make mistakes with paperwork or where to go and I hate looking like an idiot in front of people.

I keep breathing and telling myself, “it’ll be ok. It will be ok.” I need to pray for peace. I wish I was confident enough that I could just hop on that plane and be excited about meeting my daughter. I am excited! I’m also terrified!

14 Thoughts on “Panic mode

  1. Jim R on July 17, 2015 at 11:50 am said:

    It was much the opposite with me: while I wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of travelling, I don’t recall it bothering me that much, perhaps because I’d done it a few times before. It was anticipating THE Moment that had me wound up. I would tell you the thought that increasingly went through my mind for the month prior to D-Day, but (A) you probably wouldn’t believe me and (B) would urge Chrystal to have me banged in the squirrel cage!

    Write all this down. In a year, it’ll be fun for you to read with your daughter. In a few decades, your daughter will be able to show it to your grandchildren (think of THAT and smile!).

    • LOL. Jim, now I am super curious about what you were thinking in the last month before travel. πŸ™‚ Yes, THE moment is nerve-wracking. I think for us it helps that we will “know” almost every one there. The staff all showed up on at least a couple of our Skype calls, though different combinations of people each time. So everyone is at least surface-level familiar.

      Eek! Don’t mention grandchildren. lol I’m only 32. Hard to believe I could have grandchildren in 8 or so years… Praying she waits until she’s older!

  2. Keep breathing- it’s gonna be wonderful! I’m praying for your peace πŸ™‚

  3. Michelle on July 17, 2015 at 9:53 pm said:

    It will be wonderful! Id be a bundle of nerves too!

  4. God would never take you this far and drop you. It is going to be exciting but fine.
    Take a deep breath.

  5. I totally understand. πŸ˜€ Felt EXACTLY the same way when going to Korea. But – as you know -it ended up being the most AMAZING travel experience ever and we totally enjoyed it. πŸ™‚ It’ll have a hiccup or two, of course, but probably not anything you can’t recover from. πŸ™‚ Will be praying for peace, safety and ease in travels for you!!

  6. It will be ok honey! The plane is not going to eat you. I can’t make any guarantee about the critters at Taiwan though.

  7. I’ve travelled a lot, quite a bit in Asia (though never to Taiwan) you will be fine. Airports are pretty intuitive and there is always someone who will help you if you ask. In Taiwan itself, remember that a smile goes a long way as does having a sense of humour when things don’t go exactly to plan. It will be a wonderful chance to experience at least a small part of your daughter’s world.

    I’ll be thinking of you.

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