This will be my last weekly post. I’ve really enjoyed writing them but I feel as if I procrastinate on blog posts because I think “this should be something I write about on Thursday!” And then I don’t post all week because I want to save thoughts for Thursdays. So I’m just going to post as inspiration strikes, rather than on a specific day.
This week had some really high moments and some really low ones. I learned something about myself. We had a day of back to back to back meltdowns. DoubleShot was struggling with being told no, as we don’t tell her no very often. She wants things her way all the time and sometimes we have to tell her no. When the meltdowns are frequent, I really struggle to want to be connected with her. We are following Heather Forbes’ and TBRI principles, which teach that it’s important to look at the why behind a child’s behavior and to focus on connection before correction.
When DoubleShot stomps around the house and slams doors, I am taken back to my little girl self. I am afraid of violence. DoubleShot is not violent against us or our cat, but she slams doors to make a point. My husband and I have already decided that if the door slamming continues, we will have to remove all of the bedroom doors. It’s not safe for her to keep slamming them. And quite honestly, it scares me. My fears are not about her at all but they take me back to my childhood when I remember cowering in fear. That is something I need to address. I have a book called Parenting From the Inside Out, which is supposed to help parents deal with their own triggers so that they can move forward and help their children. Now that I’m finished with my last library book, I’m going to concentrate on this parenting book and see if it will help me so that I can follow DoubleShot when she’s stomping around the house, rather than shutting down myself.
So that was my key parenting insight for the week, realizing I have some very specific personal work to do so that I can better help DoubleShot.
We’ve also had a number of really amazing moments this week. My daughter is now giving me hugs. Frequently! She craves that full body contact of leaning against me with my arms around her and her arms around me. It’s hard to cook dinner when she keeps coming back for more attention, but it’s so important to try to fill her love tank!
This afternoon I told her that I was going for a walk. She threw her arms around me and yelled, “No!!!!” That was sweet! Normally she waves and says “bye bye!!” To actually be wanted is heart warming.
Her English is still coming along quite rapidly. I am really impressed with how many new words and phrases she’s using. It seems like everyday she’s coming up with something new. I don’t always recognize what she says, as my ear is listening for Chinese. Sometimes it doesn’t register that she’s trying to say something in English. This was our conversation when we went out to pick up the mail after my walk:
Me: “I went for a walk.”
Me: “No, a walk.”
DS: “It’s raining!”
Me: “OH! You said it’s raining! Yes, yes it is!”
Laughter all around.
DoubleShot and Baba playing on his phone at the bank:
DoubleShot filming me while I take pictures of her:
Playing with Bruno!
She climbed in the box and wanted me to pull her around the room. She screamed in laughter. It was hilarious seeing how much enjoyment she got out such a simple activity.
Side note – this is my shirt she’s wearing! She keeps telling me that I am stinky and yet she steals my clothes when I’m not looking. She wanders around the house wearing my sweatshirt or my jacket. Last night she raided my closet and asked if she could have this shirt. She’s a good 60 pounds lighter than I am so I never expected she’d be wearing my clothes! And yes, it is too big for her but she doesn’t care!
Overall I think we’re doing really well. Yes, we still have challenges every single day. I’m not sure we’ve had an easy day yet. We’re still adjusting to life as a family of three. DoubleShot is still learning her place in the family. We are still working on a daily routine. But she is making magnificent progress and I can’t wait to see how she keeps blossoming. I am thrilled that she’s my daughter!
It may be that if she can’t slam a door, she’ll find some other way to express her anger and assert her independence.
Anyway, the hugs and playfulness are such wonder signs! You asked a few days ago if it gets better. I’m guessing that this sort of thing makes that answer “yes”. I know it does with my little girl.