I have always wanted to have a spotless house on New Year’s Eve. That way I can usher in the new year with a perfectly clean home. For various reasons, this has never happened. This year, I shrunk my goal down to manageable size – a perfectly clean bedroom.
Two weeks ago, I was talking to my husband about self-care and how important it is. We talked about how, due to my eldest daughter’s rages, no single place in our home feels safe. Every inch of our home has memories associated with various meltdowns and rages. A few months ago, we made our bedroom off limits during rages. She is no longer allowed in our bedroom if she’s raging. We need a safe space to retreat to if necessary and we also need a place that isn’t full of the negative emotions surrounding the raging.
So we decided that it was time to deep clean our bedroom and then focus on decorating it so that it feels cozy. Our room feels very sterile right now, due to the bright white walls, Pergo flooring, complete lack of bedroom furniture, and no decorations on the walls. When I mentioned this idea to the therapist, she heartily agreed that it was a good idea to focus on our bedroom. This is especially important because I use the bedroom during my quiet time each day. I need a place that feels relaxing.
I’ve spent most of my alone time the past two weeks deep cleaning the bedroom. It is spotless! I completely stripped the bed and washed everything from mattress cover to blankets. I pulled everything off the bookcases and sorted through it all, pulling out what we didn’t want and organizing the rest. I mopped the floor, scrubbed off the heater vents, and finally cleaned the glass patio doors (yuck!).
Our room still doesn’t feel cozy. We still have no bedroom furniture, other than the two cheap bookcases, our bed on rails, and a rickety folding table that I use as a desk. We still have nothing on the walls. But it’s clean! And that makes me feel so much better. Now that everything is clean, I can start focusing on ways to make the room feel more cozy. I have ideas but can’t implement many of them just yet. We’re still trying to pay off credit card debt that was accrued for our adoption trip to China. Until that is paid off, we can’t invest in bedroom furniture. But maybe I can find some small touches to help the room feel better.
Deep cleaning, for me, equals self-care. And just in time for New Years.
I’m sorry things have been hard. I must have missed one of your posts because I didn’t realise you had two daughters now.
I think your idea of making the bedroom a sanctuary is a great one. Perhaps you could find some personal touches at thrift stores?
Oh, sweetheart, don’t think your family is not normal. Take it from a 76 year old woman: your home is very normal. Did you know that according to Judges 15:18. Depression may follow an accomplishment. Look at Samson. Then there’s 1 Kings 19. Elijah had just experienced a victory on Mt. Carmel. What happens? He runs from the wrath of Jezebel. Because he was tired and exhausted, Elijah became discouraged. Lastly, Psalm 42:5,6. In captivity, This writer was homesick for Jerusalem. He missed going to Temple. Psalm 42 and 43 should be read together. Meditate on these two chapters. God will show you what to do. I find 42 & 43 to be my antidepressant. I think you will too. My prayer for you goes up to the throne room of God. As out lives depend on water,so do our lives depend on God. Happiness to you through the Holy Spirit.